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therealljidol topic 1: "When you pray, move your feet."

I want this statement to be literal, take it to mean that while you pray, it's only effective if you move your feet. Maybe that explains my unanswered prayers. I pray a lot. Not about everything, like I don't tend to pray about money woes, or that I'll get published. I pray to get pregnant. i pray for a healthy baby. In January while I was in the ER (turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy), a mother ran in with her little girl, screaming, "She's not breathing! Somebody do something!!!" I prayed for that little girl, said that I'd give up my pregnancy if she would be okay. I don't know what happened. I pretend she was fine, as I left the hospital with one fewer tube than I went in with, and no more pregnancy.

This year I have started thinking more about mindfulness, letting go of expectations and having faith in things working out the way they are supposed to in some way. I know this does not entail sitting passively and letting things happen to me. I still have to be active in order to create change. I use prayer as an intention, and I'm still not so great at being as busy as I think I need to be in order to get where I want to be. Most of my energy this year has been wrapped up in trying to get pregnant. I've had faith I'd be successful, while still ending up taking fertility drugs and starting acupuncture. I ran out of Clomid and decided I wasn't quite ready to give up on conceiving with no "big guns" (IUI, IVF). And now I'm pregnant. It's still early, so many things could still go wrong, but this one is in the right place, with a beating heart.

I don't talk about my faith much. I don't care what other people believe, and I don't like it when people try to force other people into one path or another. It makes me uncomfortable. I think I'm incredibly lucky that so many of my prayers have been answered, although I suppose I conveniently forget the ones that weren't. And I know it's not because I'm some fantastic Christian. Maybe it's because I'm always moving my feet--I am a constant fidgeter.